#001
Those cookies you leave for me taste like hockey pucks. If you don't produce something better this year, I might be forced to leave coal and the "Best of David Hasselhoff" CD.
#002
Let me give you a hint, kid -- it IS a real beard. And if you don't stop yanking on it, there will be a lot more than visions of sugarplums dancing in your head.
#003
I see you when you're sleeping. I know when you're awake. And I see what you're doing under the covers at night, so don't try to pretend otherwise.
#004
Sorry about the unsavory condition of your powder room. When Santa's gotta go, SANTA'S GOTTA GO!!
#005
OK, you caught me. Yes, I was kissing Mommy underneath the mistletoe last night. Hate to be blunt, but Mommy's a ho.
#006
On Christmas Eve, I like the feel of Mrs. Claus' black garter belt under my red trousers. Gives me that get-up-and-go when I most need it.
#007
I know that Prancer and Vixen have a little thing on the side. I'm OK with it, really -- you think a man that employs a whole warehouse full of little jolly elves is going to stand in the way of two reindeer in love?
#008
You'd be surprised how many women lay in wait for me by the tree on Christmas Eve. Santa just gets them all hot and bothered. You know what they say about a man with a large sack.
#009
You'd better not pout. You'd better not cry. And stop your damn bitching.
#010
Forget the milk. Santa loves a shot of whiskey. *hic!*
---
As always, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery -- so please visit the true inspiration behind this post and others like it: the wonderful and brilliant Dawn over at True Wife Confessions.
You dare bash the Hoff?
Also, heee!
Posted by: Jess | December 22, 2006 at 09:29 AM
You made me blush with some of those!
Posted by: Suebob | December 22, 2006 at 10:32 AM
Your header is so pretty! I love it!
Posted by: Audrey | December 22, 2006 at 01:42 PM
I love your header too. And wow, I didn't know Santa was so sassy!
Posted by: wendy boucher | December 22, 2006 at 03:28 PM
Thank you for making me smile for the SECOND time today! Those are great!
Posted by: Imperfect Christian | December 22, 2006 at 04:46 PM
I knew it! Santa didn't get that big ol' belly from drinking milk. Thanks for clearing things up.
Posted by: Mom101 | December 22, 2006 at 05:38 PM
Wow - your NanMo thing has really worked for you.
I haven't kept up like I wanted to, but I'm glad you are here.
Snata sometimes had a shot of sherry at our place. Nuff said.
Merry Christmas Nancy.
Posted by: Catez | December 22, 2006 at 06:42 PM
You had a rhyme scheme going there for a minute:
"Santa's gotta GO"
"Mommy's a HO"
"Get-Up-And-GO"
and then I got to "a man with a large sack" and I lost it completely. Hilarious!
Wishing you and your family a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! (Email me if you'd like a Xmas card, I lost your address"
Posted by: Elizabeth | December 22, 2006 at 06:42 PM
Excellent! :)
Posted by: Karianna | December 22, 2006 at 10:05 PM
Merry Christmas Nancy...I love it!
p.s. great new header you've designed...you should have a little Mom Ma'am Me gallery
Posted by: Jamie | December 23, 2006 at 06:17 AM
Ho Ho Ho, you Ho.
Uh, sorry. I thought you were the Mommy who was caught smooching Santa.
And? I will never think of Santa the same way, now that you've brought attention to his "sack". Merry Christmas!
Posted by: Mrs. Chicky | December 23, 2006 at 09:49 PM
Now THERE are some Santa tidbits we don't want to share with the kids!
Happy holidays!
Posted by: PunditMom | December 23, 2006 at 10:33 PM
excellent, Smithers.
Love the new banner, too.
Posted by: jen | December 25, 2006 at 08:16 PM
I knew Santa was a busy guy but oh my he's been getting really bizzy.
Posted by: something blue | December 27, 2006 at 03:20 PM